One thing I’ve learned in life is this, I cannot build my opinion of someone based on what other people say about them. Whispers are slippery. Stories get bent out of shape. And sometimes what people project onto others has more to do with their own bias than with truth.
That’s why I always choose to give people the benefit of the doubt.
When I meet someone, I give them space to prove who they are. I ask myself, is what I heard true? Was it exaggerated? Was it taken out of context? Or did someone use their own unconscious bias to create a version of this person that isn’t real?
For me, nothing tells the story more clearly than how someone shows up in their daily life, through their actions, their choices, and most importantly, the way they treat people. That’s where their real character reveals itself.
But here’s the part where I stand firm, the moment you prove that the warnings were true, the moment your behavior confirms the very things people told me to watch out for, that’s the moment I walk away. No hesitation. No second guessing.
I refused to stay in toxic environments, around toxic people once they reveal their true self and I can see it with my own eyes. Toxicity is contagious, negativity breathes conformity and small-minded people always reveal themselves in the end.
Because here’s the truth, one person can be wrong. Two people can exaggerate, but when multiple voices start to align and my own experience confirms the pattern, that tells me everything I need to know. At that point, I don’t need more stories or explanations. I’ve seen enough for myself.
And so, I choose both, grace in the beginning, and boundaries in the end.
I want to know who you really are, not just who others say you are. But once you show me your true self, I believe you, and I adjust my place in your life accordingly.
That balance keeps me grounded. It keeps me from judging unfairly, and it keeps me from staying in spaces where I don’t belong.
It’s never your friends, the organization or the majority that’s toxic; Most times it’s the people entrusted to lead, who forgot that power and trust is a privilege, not a weapon to use against others.
Until next time! Take care of your hearts my darlings!
Nikki Sterling @paragonwords
Paragonwords 